


Roll Here In My Ashes

by Oh_Toasty



Series: 500 Words [9]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy-centric, POV Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Suicidal Thoughts, Title from a Hozier Song, suicidal character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 17:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19361464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Toasty/pseuds/Oh_Toasty
Summary: It isn’t good for a boy to be alone for so long; it isn’t good for a boy to bury his family.





	Roll Here In My Ashes

The first time Number Five considers killing himself, he’s fifteen years old and has been living in the apocalypse for two years. He sits between the graves of his siblings, graves that he dug using his own hands, and he wonders if it’s worth it. 

The taste of his last meal, a rat he’d found scurrying through the wreckage of the academy, still lingers in his mouth, and he bites back the tears threatening to fall. 

“I miss you,” He admits, fingers curling in the grass of Allison’s grave, “All of you.”

Delores watches him in silence. 

“I wish I was there with you. There’s no reason to stay, nothing left to tether me to Earth. I could just give up, accept that the apocalypse happened, that there’s nothing I can do.”

His stands suddenly, and he shoves his hand into his pocket. It instinctively curls around the eye he keeps there, fingers tracing the serial numbers, and he throws his head back to scream at the sky. 

“Why? What are you doing this to me? Why can’t I just go home?”

He picks up Delores, leaving the tears on his cheeks. There is no one to see them anyway. 

“Not today, my dear. Today we live to fight another day.”

It’s not the last time that Five thinks about killing himself, afterall, he spends decades alone except for Delores, surviving off of bugs and the occasional canned goods. 

The loneliness gets to him often, and he wonders why he still hangs on. There’s nothing left for him here, but then his hand finds its way into his pocket, and his fingers trace the eyeball’s serial number. 

He has to survive, for his family. 

When the Handler comes and offers him a way out, Five accepts quickly. There’s no reason to stay here, not when going with her won’t hurt. Besides, he thinks, as they outfit him with a gun and a briefcase for traveling, every moment spent here is another that brings him closer to his family. 

His time spent with the Commission doesn’t magically fix him. The repetition of taking life after life makes him doubt the meaning of it all; he debates just ending it all, and letting someone else bear this burden. 

There is no one else, no one who will save his family. 

He survives. He will save them. Then he can rest. 

They stop the apocalypse. They stop it and Five finds himself floating through the world with no purpose. The last forty-five years has been nothing more than surviving, than planning how to save his family. Now, he’s reached his goal, and there is nothing left for him. 

He finds himself standing at the top of the Academy, looking down, and calculating if the fall will kill him. 

“Five,” He hears a voice call, Klaus he thinks. “Where are you man?”

He steps away from the edge, back towards his family. He did it, he saved them. Now, it’s time to enjoy them.


End file.
